I don't care about wealth.  What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.

-Jon Stewart

Why is it when you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?

-Jon Stewart

Maybe we should always show pictures.  Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed, innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving a shiny gold coin.

-Jon Stewart

The reason I don't worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands.  Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them.  I'll take those odds every fucking day.

-Jon Stewart

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies

-Jon Stewart

Religion.  It's given hope to a world torn apart by religion

-Jon Stewart

Yes, reason has been part of organized religion since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake

-Jon Stewart

Why is it when you take advantage of a tax break and you're a corporation, you're a smart businessman.  But if you take advantage of something you need to not be hungry, you're a moocher?

-Jon Stewart

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were all swept away by the Macarena

-Jon Stewart